Rockies, the Evil: Phantom runs; purple uniforms; humidors; We still hate Dan O’Dowd for not letting Francis pitch for
Phillies, the Good: Philly fans; monster offense; Feel good story of last week; Jamie Moyer’s stirrups; Antonio Alfonseca’s extra fingers; Rooting for Pat Gillick; wicked AL-style lineup; cheesesteaks.
Phillies, the Evil: Philly fans; Closers who smack their wives around; memories of the ’93 Phillies; Pat Burrell.
Verdict: Those lineups in those two bandboxes? We don’t even care who wins, we just want to see both teams mash each other into oblivion.
D-Backs, the Good: O-Dog; Brandon Webb; Chris B. Young, when he hits the ball; memories of the 2001 World Series; Having Glenn Campbell’s “By the Time I Get to Phoenix” stuck in our heads.
D-Backs, the Evil: “It’s a dry heat”; Retirees in shorts pulled up to their armpits; Chris B. Young, when he’s striking out; Taking forever to recognize Martin Luther King Day; Randy Johnson’s old man back; Gratuitous snake iconography.
Cubs, the Good: Wrigley Field day games; Pitchers laying the smack down on their catchers; Referring to Ryan Theriot as “The Riot”; Derek Lee; the Memory of Harry Carey; possible Bill Murray sightings.
Cubs, the Bad: Wrigley Field night games; NL Central “Champions”; Spending sprees; Endless blathering about the Curse of the Goat; Blaming Bartman; Idiotic celebrity versions of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”; possible Jim Belushi sightings.
Verdict: We know that there’s a sentimental reason to cheer for the Cubs. But we’re not that sentimental, and we like the D-Backs young lineup.